April 30, 2007
Dear Parent,
Dear Parent,
One of my favorite parent educators is Bonnie Harris. I subscribe to her on-line newsletter called “Connective Parenting Newsletter”. It is almost always informative and thought-provoking. She is all about the relationship between parent and child and not so much about specific techniques; although she often has practical advice as well.
In her March newsletter she talks about “when the best isn’t good enough”. This resonated with me since I see so many of you wonderful parents struggling with being the perfect parent and raising perfect children. Not only is this aspiration not possible, it is also not even necessary.
Years ago we had the concept of the “good enough” parent. Today we seem to think that good enough isn’t good enough – for ourselves or for our children. I remember complaining to one of my friends that none of my children were musical. She said, “They can’t be good at everything, Carol”. She was so right. Why was I focused in on what they were not good at and not enjoying what they were good at? This attitude put more pressure on me and my children and could have interfered with my relationship with them.
Does this mean that we settle for mediocrity? Of course not. We give our children time, structure, opportunities, resources, encouragement, love and sometimes a gentle push. If we concentrate on what they need for their brains, bodies, and spirits, they will figure out what they like, what they are good at, where they want to excel and where they will just be good enough.
Below are some more suggestions from Bonnie to help your children be less stressed and to be good enough.
· Provide opportunities and watch which ones your children are drawn to
· Watch for signs of stress: changes in sleep or appetite, a more hostile attitude, frequent headaches and stomach aches
· When you see signs of stress provide a "mental health day", have a heart-to-heart and re-evaluate schedules
· Pull back on saying, "I'm so proud of you." Instead try, "You must be very proud of yourself."
· Make sure your child has plenty of down time. Boredom is necessary for relaxation and creativity.
· Relax. Be more, teach less. “
To being good enough….
Carol